Dating myself

I think, at the time, I worried about spending too much time in my own head because it emphasized the fact that I was alone.When you're not in a relationship, walking past two lovers laughing on Stoke Newington Church Street is enough to make anyone feel lonely (my brother and I renamed Sundays “couple Sundays” because you can’t move for twosomes blissfully walking around like characters in a Richard Curtis film).Brunches and lunches with drinks wedged in between.I would work late in the office and I would fill up my diary until there were no days left to just be by myself.I suddenly realised that I’d gone weeks and weeks without doing anything completely on my own.It wasn’t that my boyfriend and I did everything together – we have separate friends and interests, and cherish our individual lives – but when I wasn’t with him I was at work events or seeing friends and family, trying to make up the lost time.

I was with my ex for 12 years before separating from him, so up until now I considered myself lucky that I never had to navigate the murky waters of online dating.

” Quickly and quietly, we begin to break ourselves down and point out all of our own flaws in order to find the reason: not pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, heaven forbid we don’t put out right away.

We know it's bogus, but it's still there, and the majority of us feel insecure and vulnerable when we have to face the facts.

That’s why, one night before Christmas, I decided to go on a date … I booked a ticket to see at the Hackney Picturehouse, put on my favourite maroon lipstick and hoop earrings – because why not dress up for yourself?

No matter how independent we become, or how self-made we think we are, as women there is always this small part of us that hopes Prince or Princess Charming will ride around on a white horse ready to sweep us off of our feet.


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